Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I lost my Mother-in-law a few days back..October 5th to be precise.She went very peacefully and suddenly. Good karmas everyone tells me. "What ever happens happens for the best".. I have been spouting such gems for years but honestly cannot relate to it right now. What`s good about her death?
I miss her terribly. Much as I would love to paint her as Lalita Pawar ka avtaar( I some times did too) , she was always there for us. Our morning tea time ,where we would discuss(read-bitch) about our nalayak servants,good for nothing relatives,the dumb tailor who always ends up messing our clothes,sometimes even our spouses and their so many shortcomings, was our real time together. I wonder who would even care to listen to my Bai-woes ,now that Mummy is gone?
Every afternoon she would come and peer at my computer while I checked mails or surfed. She would look at all the pictures on facebook and continued to be amazed with the fact that I could actually talk to my sister or sister in law far away.I turn and look back even as I write.She is not there.
There was a ritual where being the only bahu I had to give her a bath and drape a red saree around her. I had given her a bath umpteen number of times in the past, when she was sick. Nothing new, still I was shattered. She was ice cold, wouldn`t move, respond or even tell me that the water is cold. My friend says it is an important part as it is a kind of closure. You are made to accept that they are gone.
What closure? I don`t understand it. I know she is dead, I have touched her hard ,ice cold body and I know she is gone. But I still wait for her to return back from her card party. I still peep in her room, I almost hear her calling me out. Hell , I even made a cup of tea for her this morning at ten.
Closure my foot.