Saturday, November 22, 2008

My Family


7th June
My two girls are real darlings. Mithi made a drawing titled-My Family. There was Jai, me, Mithi, Ma, Shona and a small child crawling.
I asked her, “Who is that Mithi?”
“Oh! Mamma. That`s our little Babu. When are you getting him? Pa says we can dress him, play with him and take him for walks in his pram. Mamma, what fun it will be.”She looked ecstatic.
I sighed.
12th June.
It`s that time of the month. I dread it. I really don`t know what I am dreading? Will I get them this month. I hope so. I feel claustrophobic. Need to step out for a while.
13th June.
I am feeling bloated. Heavy. Irritable. A little sticky. Maybe I have got them I`l just check.
15th June.
Still no sign . Not even a stain. This waiting is killing me. Jai says I must check. I don`t want to. Jai thinks I am stupid. Last night he said, “Just do it. Else go to the path lab for a urine test. The sooner we confirm the better it is.”Yeah! But better for whom?
17th June.
Still no sign. I am worried sick. I vomited in the morning. Ma has been praying fervently. She gave the washerwoman Rs. 51 and asked her to pray for me. This has happened so many times. Her prayers don`t seem to work for me. I know faith can move mountains but unfortunately cannot get me what Ma wants. Even Jai. I may not want it for myself but I do want one for Jai. If it will bring him peace then so be it. But I am tired. I want to cry. Mithi just got me some lemonade. “Mamma drink up. Badi Ma says Babu will come soon. What fun Mamma.”
I smiled through the tears. How innocent and sweet she is. And when she hugs me with her fat dimpled arms I want to squeeze her tight.
19TH June.
I feel sticky. But still no sign. I don`t know whether I am relieved or worried ?Minku is coming over for dinner. Oh! How I love having her over. My fat adorable sister is so much fun. She goes into these peals of laughter and I just can`t help joining her. Amal and Sujal , her twin boys are just a year older to Shona. Last time they came they broke Shona`s favorite doll. Obviously she cannot bear to be with boys. But Mithi is different. She loves to mother them. And they too lap up all the attention!
Minku loves Pasta . I think I will cook today. I am feeling energetic today. Maybe its because Minku`s coming after a long time. Hmm 4 months now since the last …
20th June
I am so happy. Jai said that I was glowing last night. Minku said so too. Ma just smiled. She just paid the sweeper Rs. 21.
Jai called Dr. J. But he is out of town. Gone to Chicago for a conference. I am relieved.
25th June
Mithi won the first prize for her drawing’ My family’. Ma said that she will tell Jai to frame it and we will put it in the living room.
Ma says it is a good omen. Is it ? or is she just hoping ?
28th June
Minku has sent me this book called Secrets. It says’ Ask and you shall receive’.’ Visualise and it will happen’. I just read a few parts to Jai. He just grunted in response.
29th June
Jai got me a huge picture of a baby boy playing with a ball. He says he has a surprise for me too. Can`t wait for it! It’s been a long time since Jay got me a gift. And even longer since he smiled at me.
1st July
Today`s Doctor Day. We called Dr. J and wished him. He will be back on 4th.We see him that morning at 9.00 a.m.
2nd July
I could only stare at the beautiful pictures. Jai asked his friend to morph the pictures. There are at least a dozen pictures of the baby boy. In one I am holding him. In another ,we are playing snakes and ladders. He is lying on his stomach, the rays of the sun shimmering on his light brown hair and me looking with an indulgent smile. Yet another is a family portrait.
Me with the boy on my lap, Shona next to me, Ma with Mithi on her lap. Jai behind us with his arms protectively around us, smiling.
Jai said, “You said to visualize. I did. Now it’s your turn”.
I want to cry.
3rd July.
I don`t want to see Dr. J
4th July.
8.00 a.m.
We leave in an hour. I don`t want to see Dr. J.

12.00 p.m.
We saw Dr. J.
He was really grim. He told Jai, " I am your friend. But you got to stop this. You will kill her. This is the last time I will do it. Last time . You get it?”
On the way back Jai said that it wasn`t as if Dr. J was doing us any favour. We pay him for his services and pay him well.
Dr. J said we will get the report soon.
5th July.
I held Mithi and Shona tight when they came from school. I want to lie next to them and feel their baby breaths. Jai thinks I am juvenile. I must not let girls be in my bed. They are 7 and 4.
Thank God, he is gone to Delhi for a day. I can hug and kiss the girls and pillow fight with them till as long as I please.
6th July
Jai called. He says I have to go to Dr. J `s clinic.
He has already spoken to Ma. The girls are in school. Shivprasad, our driver will drive me to the clinic. Ma will stay at home for the girls.
He will get back tonight.
I want to cry.
10th July
I feel empty. Broken. Wounded.
Today Maria dropped the framed ' My Family' while cleaning. The glass shattered into tiny pieces. One of the shards cut through the tiny Babu. Mithi was inconsolable.
I want to cry. But there are no tears. Dr J told Jai that he just couldn`t do it anymore.
He looked stricken when he told Jai, “Do you even understand the implications? 4 abortions in 2 years ? I cannot go on. Spare her. She will die”.
Wish I would. Mithi and Shona?
I guess we will have to find another Doctor. I read about this new age technology where you get to choose the sex. May be we can try that. I will ask Jai tonight.

pic courtsey : www.aph.org

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mera Bharat Mahaan !



Had to share this with you all...


A roadside vendor at the Sonepur cattle fair (Bihar)charged two foreigners -hold your breath-- Rs.10,000 for 4 samosas! He claimed that they were full of healthy herbs. The gullible foreigners paid but they shared this piece of transaction with ---guess who?? A police officer! The good officer promptly walked upto the vendor and got the hapless consumers a refund of Rs.9,990.


All I can say.It happens only in India :-)

pic courtsey www.finestspice.com

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Cow


May 1

It’s bloody hot. Dying for a swim. But just saw myself in a swimsuit. I want to break that full length mirror.
Sherry called me a beached whale! Bloody shark. That`s what she is.
If only she would put on some weight. All I do is look at food and I am already 500 gms up.
I am starting the Diet tomorrow. For sure.
May 5

Its Elena`s birthday. We got her the yummiest gooey chocolate cake. Loaded with walnuts, chocolate chips, it was divine. Of course at the end of it we were sick of the sweetness. So had to buy a bag of chips.
Saw Sherry on the way. She is just getting thinner everyday. So Diet on from tomorrow.
May 12

I broke the heels of my favorite pair of stilettos. Brian says the weight snapped it.
Weight my foot. How I would love to crush him under that same weight!
May 23

Mamma is coming this weekend. Better stock the refrigerator with some salad, fruit and all that healthy stuff.
The chocolates will freak her out.
Why do I have to be thin?
I love my full cheeks, butts and bosom too. Well rounded. And that`s a shape isn`t it?
May 28.
Mamma`s stay was disastrous! She only complained about my weight, eating habits. She called me a cow or was it a goat? Always munching she grumbled.


June 1

I vomited my lunch. I feel relieved. How much I ate. I am trying not to munch. But it`s tough.
The Gymming routine isn`t helping either. I am just so so hungry after the workout.
And I don`t want to diet.
I have found an easier way. I just eat and then vomit it out.
There. I enjoy my food without the fear of putting on.
I will try vomiting my dinner too.
June 15

Today I vomited all my meals. Gives me a great high!
Cow. How I hate that word!
June 28

Saw Sherry today. She says I look sick. She is mean.
Brian says so too.
Hey ,but the mirror doesn`t lie. I still look like a beached whale.
July 2

Brian came over for dinner.
He frowned constantly. He thinks I am not eating much.
Funny. And he always teased me that I could swallow a horse when hungry.
I had to lock myself in the bathroom to vomit.
I played the stereo to divert him. But he knocked twice or thrice.
He gave me a strange look when I insisted I was fine.
July 6

Brian thinks I am sick.
He called my Mom from my cell –phone. I had to snatch it from him.
Mamma called me later. She sounds worried.
I wonder why?
July 12

I just don`t want to get up. Haven`t been out since 3 days. Don`t want to talk either.
Mamma has left so many messages on the phone.
Surprisingly not once she called me a cow!


Anorexia is a serious eating disorder.
To know more about this see this site
.

Pic courtsey www.youthnoise.com

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Tit for Tat


A couple of days back my 10 year old daughter T came running to me.
“Mamma”, she screamed.
“What happened T?”
“Mamma you know what? That A has hacked into my account. She is really mean.”
T has an account with some site for little girls. They get to choose a buddy and play various games to earn points. With those points they can buy accessories for their buddy-clothes, shoes, makeup, household stuff etc etc. She is hooked to the site and so are many of her friends.

T please! I am not interested in your stupid buddies.”
“Mammma but you know what A did? She hacked my account! She has spent all my hard earned points and bought very expensive dresses for my buddy. Imagine 2000 for one small dress! (I was thrilled! Good ,my daughter values money-even if it is virtual!). And she sold Tia`s (her buddy) clothes and accessories in a yard sale. And now Tia wears a horrible purple dress with dirty, soggy, hairy boots. She looks Yuck!”
I grinned. “It`s ok T.”
“No its not. How would you feel if someone did that to your child? “She demanded tearfully.
I realized that this was really important to her. I sat and asked her why was she so upset.
“You can earn the points back”, I told her gently.
“Do you know how much I have to work for it? It`s not easy. Come and see my Tia”,said T .
We went to the site and sure her Tia and her surroundings were in shambles. I got enraged too. How dare anyone do that to my dear T. I fumed and seethed.
“How did she hack? Did you tell her your password?”,I screamed.
“Yes. All my friends share their passwords”, said T in all innocence.
“Well Rule no.1 -you should never ever tell your password to anyone”, I said firmly.
“Not even your best friend?
“No. No one.”
“Not even Mamma?”
“Well Mammas should be told everything.”I stressed.
“Ok”. (How long will this implicit trust long, I sometimes wonder)
“Well, let`s try to change your password.”
But to our dismay there was no such option! You could however change your account and get a new buddy.
“No I want Tia only”, grumbled T.
I tried to convince her but she stood her ground.
“Ok, Tit for tat then. You know A`s password right. Now you, spoil her buddy. Let her get a taste of her own medicine.”
T was excited and went about her destructing spree gleefully.
Later at night she came and rattled off a list of things she had done. “I organized a yard sale and sold her buddy`s sofa, bed, jacket, fur boots etc. I made her buddy wear the old, soggy ,hairy boot!”.We both laughed heartily.
Just as she got up she said,” You know Mammma after all this I feel sad for A.”
I was taken aback for a second but soon forgot about it as got busy with my own things.
Yesterday T called out ,” Mamma come see my new buddy –Susan.”
“New buddy! How come?”
“Mamma I felt bad for A. I didn’t like it when she acted mean to me. Even she would have felt bad no? And if I also behave like her, then what is the difference between her and me?And you know what? She called this morning and said sorry. So I told her let us stop doing all this. We both are losing our pretty things and points. She agreed. So no more fighting! And now I have 2 buddies!”.
I looked at her beaming face and hung my head in shame.

ps.. If only we and our leaders would learn from this simple incident and stop our hate tirades ,the world would be so beautiful!

picture courtsey-toys.about.com