Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Closure

I lost my Mother-in-law a few days back..October 5th to be precise.She went very peacefully and suddenly. Good karmas everyone tells me. "What ever happens happens for the best".. I have been spouting such gems for years but honestly cannot relate to it right now. What`s good about her death?
I miss her terribly. Much as I would love to paint her as Lalita Pawar ka avtaar( I some times did too) , she was always there for us. Our morning tea time ,where we would discuss(read-bitch) about our nalayak servants,good for nothing relatives,the dumb tailor who always ends up messing our clothes,sometimes even our spouses and their so many shortcomings, was our real time together. I wonder who would even care to listen to my Bai-woes ,now that Mummy is gone?
Every afternoon she would come and peer at my computer while I checked mails or surfed. She would look at all the pictures on facebook and continued to be amazed with the fact that I could actually talk to my sister or sister in law far away.I turn and look back even as I write.She is not there.
There was a ritual where being the only bahu I had to give her a bath and drape a red saree around her. I had given her a bath umpteen number of times in the past, when she was sick. Nothing new, still I was shattered. She was ice cold, wouldn`t move, respond or even tell me that the water is cold. My friend says it is an important part as it is a kind of closure. You are made to accept that they are gone.
What closure? I don`t understand it. I know she is dead, I have touched her hard ,ice cold body and I know she is gone. But I still wait for her to return back from her card party. I still peep in her room, I almost hear her calling me out. Hell , I even made a cup of tea for her this morning at ten.
Closure my foot.

17 comments:

Sandhya said...

Sorry. It takes time - a long time - to digest and get used to know that our close relative, esp. the person who lived with us, is not there anymore. Life goes on. She must have lived a full life and must have been happy with you.

Take care.

Mampi said...

God bless her soul.
You made me cry.
It is MY mom-in-law's birthday tomorrow. And I love her. I was thinking of doing a post on her tomorrow, and the first blog I open tonight is yours.
Thank God for Mothers.

Nisha said...

nothing's good in death...specially when someone's living peacefully. people just have to say something to console you...and they cant find the right words at such moments...
just nod along and keep her alive in your memories and pray that she is happy wherever she is...

Sunshine said...

ive been hearing too many of such news lately...i wish there words which would make this okay...but unfortunately there arnt...

it helps to be strong, even tho that may seem like the most difficult thing to do right now..

sending you a virtual *hug*!

my space said...

2 Sandhya , nisha thank you.
@sunshine..the hug is comforting :-)
mampi-wish ur mil a very happy birthday..a lively and healthy life..

Rajindarjit said...

May God grant peace to the departed soul of your M-I-Law and courage to the family members to bear this loss.

Dhindsa

Renu said...

I feel so sad that dont know what to say.Just console urself thinking that ur MIL was lucky to have a loving DIL--being missed from the heart is the biggest tribute to her.

Shalom said...

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

D said...

The most important lesson that's forced upon us every time we lose a loved one is to let go. That's closure. But even that does not fill up the void created by the person who's gone.

I hope you're feeling better now.

DeeplyDip said...

I knew this would be your next post...agreed it's very difficult to accept that she is gone, esp when it was so sudden...
Even I can remember her laughing and talking, lying down on her bed and chatting with us...
will miss her when I visit you next...may she be happy wherever she is and I like to believe that she is there somewhere - only we cannot see,touch and talk to her...

my space said...

@Dhindsa , Renu, Shalom..thanx for your kind words
.
@D..yeah it is tough to let go..

@Deeplydip..exactly..i still feel she is going to be back any minute..I pray for her too and i cry not for her..cos she is definitely at a better place..i cry for myself..cos i miss her and want her to be around cos it was comforting...u know wat i mean..

How do we know said...

:-) Take Care.

Reflections said...

I'm sorry....the loss must be irreplaceable. But life takes its course & there is a small consolation that the memories continue to live.

Indian Home Maker said...

I am so sorry. God bless her soul. My heart felt condolences to you and your family.

PARRY said...

Oh my! it is really sad to know what you are going through.
Words really can't give comfort nor one can take shelter in them.
Peace.

my space said...

@IHM , Parry, hdwk,reflections...thank u so much for your kind words..yeah Parry right...words offer no solace..time is a big healer..i understand that now..we are much composed and resigned to the fact that she is really gone..thanks all of you..

Pinku said...

when i lost my dad, the house was full of people...almost like vacation time when all the cousins would be together...so it didnt hit that dad was not around...

when after fifteen days everyone was gone...i suddennly noticed the absence as if for the first time...and that feeling is yet to go away after fifteen plus years...sometimes there is no closure...but we carry on despite that.