Q is for Queenie

 

“Mishtu also wanted to come but Papa said…”

She tried hard to push through the darkness when she heard this. The lilt in the voice compelled her to move. She trudged but the darkness was powerful. Like a drug. She was tempted to let the darkness  envelop her in its warmth but the sing-song voice was enthralled her and she tried to push her way out.

“For my birthday Maasi is…”

It was her birthday? Oh, I have to hug her. I have to get through this. She struggled to walk towards the faint grey at a distance. She wanted to hold her little baby and kiss her. The pain was blinding and each breath was laboured one. But she had to do this. For her child.

“Row row row your boat…”, trilled little Tia.

She held on to the sound-desperately trying to push the waves and waves of darkness that seem to drown her.

“Is but a dream…”

She could see the faint light grow as she spotted a faint ray and her heart throbbed. She was nearly there.

“Enough. Let her sleep,” she heard his harsh voice.

She stopped. Froze. He was there. She couldn’t go back. Tia was there but so was Raj. Tia pulled and Raj pushed. Raj was stronger. She slumped. She welcomed the next wave of darkness and allowed it to envelop her. It was soothing.

 

 

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O is for Ojaswani

 

“How can you do that? What will I tell Mohit? And my in-laws? My Mom is divorcing Dad after 32 years of marriage. Why Ma?”

She sighed, “you know why.”

“But Mom. What`s the point now? After 32 years. You might as well just hang on for…”

“Hang on for? For what? Am I not entitled to live my life the way I want to?”

“Of course, Mom. But like why divorce? Do your things. Don`t listen to him.”

“I want to live not survive and fight and sulk and…”

“He won`t let you leave. You know that. You have tried it so many times.”

“Yes, but I no longer have young children or old in-laws… there`s nothing to hold me back.”

“Have you told Vikki?”

“Not yet. I will text you my new address.”

“Mom, please don`t do it. Why do you have to do so much drama?”

“Standing up for yourself-even if its taken you 32 years- is drama?”

 She disconnected the call dejectedly and called Vikki.

“I am moving out beta.”

“Oh! When?”

“In another hour or so. My bags are packed. I have booked a cab.”

“You have a place to live Mom? You can stay with me.”

“I know. But I have my own place. As of now a barsaati. I am really excited.”

“Hahaha. I am sure you will make a home out of it soon,” he said softly. “Text me your address Mom. I will send you a house warming gift!”

She smiled as she disconnected the call.

 She picked up her bags and walked out of the house she had lived in for 32 years. The cab was waiting outside for her. She didn`t look back even once as she stashed her bags and the cab sped to the main-road.

She smiled. She was on her way home.

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N is for Namrata

 

 

she traced the little white dots on her wrist

there was a big ring-sized white patch on her elbow

her cheeks had even more

the forehead was dotted too

all her life she had hankered for fair skin

and now her wish had come true

Chitkabri- taunted the girls in school

tears galloped down her cheeks

mother kissed her tenderly

they are jealous-no one can be like you

you are the prettiest girl in town

with sun dappling your honey skin

don’t let others define you.

 

She smiled and wiped her tears and declared

I am beautiful.

 

 

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M is for Meeta

 

she stood under the shower

washing off the warm sticky fluid

trickling slowly down her inner thighs

at least it was here

even if it was

after four agonizing months

all her life she had hated it

and now that it was finally leaving her

she felt threatened, angry, lost, sad

she was changing-again!

 

 

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K is for Kirti

 

She lay motionless beneath him. His heavy body on her-all spent. Her insides were burning and pain seared through her legs and lower back. She still did not move. She knew better. She had learnt it soon-she was a fast learner. 

Within a month of her marriage, she had learnt how to get away with minimal hurt. Just that it was never minimal. Every night. Some days too. Some evenings too. The lockdown had ensured she locked away her feelings, her emotions and her voice. 

While the pandemic raged havoc outside, this one savaged her bit by bit. Everyday.

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J is for Jameela

 

then they said

you owe it to him

he was your husband

you lived together for 9 years

i wanted to scream

not lived- survived

but what`s the point

they saw the bruises and looked away

ashamed to meet my eye

their silence mingled with my silence

was deafening

and now I have to mourn him?

sit in Iddat for a monster?

Iddat/Iddah- a period that a woman must observe  in mourning after the death of  her husband

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I is for Inny

 

“We land tomorrow 4 am. I can`t wait to be home!!!”

Inny did a little jig when she saw Mini`s text. Well, much as she hated her sister, there were days when her heart ached for her Mini. Of course, she would never tell her that. 8 months back Mini married Amit and they went off to Singapore. It was such a whirlwind affair. They had met at some party and then just hit off. Trust Mini to do that. I mean she has always had guys following her like puppies and Amit was no different. Only this time the puppy seemed to have caught her fancy. So much that she said yes, the minute he popped the question just 3 months into their courtship. Most of which was online mind you.

Ma had been going crazy with her preparations. This was the first time Amit would be staying with them-for a whole week. Inny was to  move in Ma`s room- after all Mini now had a new partner.

 “Innyyy” Mini squealed the second she reached home. Inny laughed and did a little jig, She hugged Mini tight and looked warily at that groggy Amit.  He hugged her awkwardly. She felt his arm brush her chest and  she tried to wriggle away.

“Inny why do you look so shabby? You haven`t changed your clothes in a while?”

“No.I don`t want to.”

“Inny- what happened. Someone has been troubling you, my doll?”

Inny`s eyes welled up and she sobbed uncontrollably. Mini knew her so well. She  wanted to hold on to  Mini and never just never let her go. Her body wracked as she whispered, “Amit.”

“What about Amit?” Mini asked gently

" He took you away….”

“Shhh don`t worry.” Mini hugged her tight. The sobbing subsided. "I am here now. Come." Mini gently led her into the bedroom.

 Inny`s heart thumped thunderously as felt the room closing on her

“I can`t breathe Mini…”

“Shhh”. Mini spoke soothingly. “I am here only Ok.” She patted Inny and gently pushed her on the bed. " Come on Sweety. Deep breath. I am here. Come on. Deep breath."

Inny nodded. She felt a wave of calm washing over her as her breath settled.

“Now will you eat this for me?”  said Mini after a few minutes and  held out a couple of pills.

Then it dawned. So now Mini had sided up with Ma. Her eyes widened as her throat  closed again.

Inny whimpered. She pushed Mini and ran out in the balcony. Mini sighed and called out, : Inny, sweety please...."

There was a sickening thud. Mini froze. She knew. It was time up.

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