Idiots??? You Bet!!

A college in North India. Year- 1986.

A group of giggly girls with admission forms in hand.

Girl-1 , "Listen yaar.This says, Arts or Commerce?"

G-2,"Commerce re..its better.."

G-1, "Nooooo. You mad or what. Its Not really hot ! Let`s fill up Arts."

G-3 , " You think so?"

G-1, nodding vigrously, " Of course. Come on . This says -Choose any three options besides English."

G-2, " ,we could take Economics".

G-3 , "You are hung up on Commerce !You want to work in a bank or what? Babugiri?"

G-2, " No! Bhaiya said it`s a smart subject."

G-1, "Okaaay, but next one is my choice, Geography! The teacher is really thanda. No issues for attendance. Plus we go out for trips, it`s very scoring also."

G-2, "Hey , I am not very good with drawing maps and diagrams."

G-3, "Shutup! We took your subject na ? Now tell me Anthroplology ki Psychology?"

G-1 and G-2, "What is Anthropology? "

G-3 ," Surabhi said you study things like,' why Africans have curly hair and why are Europeans fair'.You know very new kind of subject. Practicals too. So very scoring."

G-2,"I have never liked Surabhi. I think we should opt for Pycho."

G-1 , " Are you mad? It`s a weird subject and that Ms. M who takes the class is really strict. Forever screaming. I am not taking it. I think Anthro."

G-2, " Sometimes I wonder, ' Are you really My friend?' You can`t take Pycho for me ?"

G-3, " Listen ,just shutup! We took your Eco na? Bhaiya`s smart subject. Now write Anthro. "

A little later in the day.

G-1 , " Mummy... I filled my form today."

Mummy, " Good. Girls college na? "

G-1, " Yes Mummy. Arts."

Mummy, " Ok. "

January 2010. Metro city in India.

A group of people chatting animatedly in a Restuarant.

Dad-1 , " So, how are the prelims.?"

Dad-2, " Just ok. I don`t think we will hit 80."

Mom-1, " Did you get the form for RN College? "

Dad-2 , " No. I think we will go for JNS. I think ISC is better board. "

Mom-2, " Yeah, we even went to the Career Counselor. He feels ISC is a better bet."

Dad-3, "Really ? I think you are making a grave mistake. Go for CBSE. It will train your kid for national level exams. "

Mom-1, " Yeah ,even my niece did that. RN is very good. Classes from 7 to 1 pm. Then Training for national level exams from 2 to 7pm. No time for loittering around."

Dad-4 ," 7 to 1 and then 2 to 7 ? Isn`t that a lot? No , No I think maybe HSC is better then. No attendance issues. We could take the integrated programme."

Mom-5, " Thank God , my Daughter wants Humanities! I think we are opting for Eco, math, Stats. All very scoring, except Eco. Then ,maybe go for LSE in 2012."

The cell phone rings.

Dad-1, " Yes C ?"

"Dad can I apply for Humanities? All my friends are..."

Dad-1 cutting him short, " Have you lost it? We can`t do that! I will be home in a while."

LOUSE-Y TALES

Yesterday, while combing my daughter`s beautiful tresses, I stumbled upon-hold your breath- a Louse!  A fat dark brown louse crawling full speed. I gingerly pulled it out and showed it to my daughter.

 "EEEWWW! Mammma ! What`s that?"

 "A louse, what else? Who is your partner in your class?"

 "A boy!" she grimaced.

 I was frantic. I started combing her hair carefully, concentrating hard to find any such creepy crawlies. And then to my horror spotted two nits(I think that`s what the lice eggs are called). I ran a fine comb through her hair and out they came on its teeth and I showed  it to my daughter. She looked horrified and at the same time fascinated. 

"Oh ! So these will hatch now? After how many days Mamma?" 

I didn`t know. I mean I have no clue about their life span and have just concentrated on keeping away from them.

 "And now they won`t hatch. You threw their Mamma also!" 

I felt a little guilty looking at those nits and then caught hold of my sentimental side. These were out to suck my daughter`s blood!

 "And Mamma do the lice sit on the eggs to hatch them? Like the hen does?" 

I had no clue. 

"Well I hope they hatch into baby boys. What are boy lice called Mamma?" Boy Lice? 

And why hatch into boys? I was intrigued. Why would my daughter who adores girls in every shape and size( her youngest friend is a chubby 1 ½ year old) want baby boy lice?

 "Why do you want baby boy lice?" 

"Well they can`t lay eggs or make babies. So when they die I am free of lice! Simple." 

Simple logic eh?

 Psst…we have shampooed her hair twice with medicated shampoo and spent our waking hours frantically Looking for any further specimens!

I Don`t Know

Last night DH went for the wedding reception of my dear friend G. I could not make it and was really looking forward to all the details. So though it was way past my sweet dreams time ,I waited for DH to come. And this is what followed.

DH = Darling Husband. EW: Eager Wife.

DH: What a party man! You should have come. Awesome place .

EW: Really? How was it?

DH: Awesome.

EW: Was it all done up? Flowers and all ?

DH: Flowers? What flowers? I don`t know.

EW: Arrey you said na, it was awesome. So was it done up with orchids or marigolds? And had they draped tissue or was there a theme?

DH: Orchids. The purple looking flowers ? I don`t know, I didn`t see all that.

EW: Trust you. So ?

DH: So what?

EW; Arrgh.. what else? You said awesome party .What was awesome?

DH: (CONFUSED) Party was awesome. What else.

EW: Ok .Whatever. Did you wish G? And did you give her the envelope?

DH: Envelope? No! Sorry I forgot!

EW: Forgot? Are you crazy? You go for the..

DH: It`s ok. We will send it across later. (G is my neighbor).

EW: And how was G looking?

DH: What do you mean looking? Just as she always does. Nice. She did something strange to her hair. But still –nice.

EW: Yeah ? What had she done? Wore it Mumtaz style or that old 70`s style?

DH: I don`t know, HOW? But she looked good.

EW: And what was she wearing?

DH (Eyebrows drawn in concentration) I THINK Lehenga, or may be a saree. I don`t know.

EW: And what colour did she wear ? Did she coordinate with the groom`s outfit?

DH(Thoroughly perplexed look).Color. Must be red . That’s what brides wear. Groom…I don`t know.

EW: What do you mean don`t know. You were sleep walking or what? And Food?

DH: (Relieved and brightened Look!) Arrey awesome food and drinks.

EW: Yeah? What did you eat?

DH: Chicken –really good. And there was a live Thai curry counter.

EW: Live Thai curry counter? What were they doing?

DH: Serving us piping hot curry what else?

EW: Whatever. : And did they serve alcohol?

DH: Of course. There was Bacardi Limon, Vodka, Teachers , Black label whisky and Yeah Sula wine. Even the cocktails were good. Screw Driver, Kaprioshka, Bloody Mary…

EW: And did you meet P? How was she looking? She wore that huge rock that D was talking about?

DH: P? Ya I met her, but diamonds? I don`t know.

EW: You don`t know a thing!

DH: So much I told you and you say I don`t know a thing? With you women around I really don`t know.

Mera Bharat Mahaan !

Had to share this with you all...

A roadside vendor at the Sonepur cattle fair (Bihar)charged two foreigners -hold your breath-- Rs.10,000 for 4 samosas! He claimed that they were full of healthy herbs. The gullible foreigners paid but they shared this piece of transaction with ---guess who?? A police officer! The good officer promptly walked upto the vendor and got the hapless consumers a refund of Rs.9,990.

All I can say.It happens only in India :-)

pic courtsey www.finestspice.com

Travel Light

Dalai Lama Checks into Lilavati Hospital for a medical check-up with ELEVEN suitcases.

As I read it out to my darling husband he grins like the cat who got the cream.
“See. And you are always cribbing about my stuff” grumbled darling husband.
Crib ,I do and rightly so. Read the scenario to understand the phenomena of Men and Vanity.
My darling husband (DH for convenience) is leaving for a trip overseas for 7 days.
DH: “ Where`s my suitcase- no the bigger one.”
Me the harried wife (HW for convenience) :“This one?”
DH: “Aha! Ok Let me see. 8 days and 7 nights. Hmm. Ok give me 7 formal shirts for daywear. No ,No make it 8 just in case.
HW: Just in case?
DH: “Ya , in case I spill something or one looks very crumpled. That reminds me put my portable iron too”
HW: “Arrey but the hotel has laundry services and am sure they will have a iron board in the room”
DH:“Put it na-just in case. ok 7 formal trousers. No make it 8 you know just-“
HW: “I know just in case.”
DH: “8 pairs of underclothes, socks and handkerchiefs`. Haan put a couple of basic neck ties”
HW :“Neckties. Why? You are not going for board meetings-just going to check out the fair”
DH: “What if I have to meet the company head or someone? You know just in case(JIC for convenience).
Hmm. Ok now night clothes. Three sets. See I will be repeating one of them for 3 nights! International flight have to travel light”
HW :“Huh! What else?”
DH :“Hmm. No casuals? I`l take a couple of shorts and T-shirts-its more comfortable to lounge around in my room and I`l take those Tracks also-you know JIC these guys come over to my room.”
HW: “The bag is already full-you still need to take your toiletries and medicines.”
DH: “Hey that’s hardly anything. I`l take my shaving kit, talc, aftershave, perfume. Haan pass my medicines. Put bandaid, crocin, D-cold, my BP medicines, that packet of gums-I am not going to buy the minute I land. I need them na after my cigarette. Oh! I will take a pack of that also”.
HW: “God!’
DH: “Stop grumbling. I need all this. Its full 8 day trip. Hey shoes! My black ones should go on all of them na? Chal I will take those Nike`s too. You know I can`t wear the formal shoes to the market .And I will need my bathroom slippers. Should I take my floaters? You know it rains there sometimes. I think last year it poured one evening .”
HW :“ Grunt! Take what you want.”
DH :“Ok .I`l take them too. You know JIC.”
HW meantime is truly harried.
DH : “Sweety get those biscuits na.I like to munch on them while watching TV. Give me few munchies na. Little more.JIC the guys decide to hang in my room during evenings”.
HW IS TOTALLY LISTLESS BY THEN.
DH: “I think I have forgotten something. Ya ! arrey pass that book na…”
After all this HW still lives in hope Afterall His Holiness Dalai Lama too travels with ELEVEN suitcases.I If nothing at least DH shares something with the spiritual leader.
Aah men and vanity..can they ever be apart??